LiFE AFTER // TWO YEARS DOWN

A lot has changed in my life over the past year and although I don't talk about it much with people I decided to keep making a post on the anniversary of my partner of 13 years, passing. The 27th was the actual day but I tried to keep myself off the internet as much as possible. Today though, right after this, I'm heading to the beach. I feel like I deserve it :)

So this is year two down, not so bad, things are looking amazingly positive in my life. Not to say that it's not still REALLY difficult. I'm learning to take better care of myself mentally and physically. The physical part is kicking my ass though! I was great at taking care of someone else but horrible at taking care of me. I'm learning a ton about myself though and everyday is something new.  

Moving to California and selling my home in the midwest has helped tremendously. I really like Kansas City, I think it's a beautiful place. I will miss my friends I made through all the years I lived there but it unfortunately holds too many memories. I don't want to erase 15 years of my life but I also don't want to continue reliving it every time I go outside my home, or inside for that matter. Now I can create new memories and the ones I've created so far have been truly wonderful. 

So I've started my life over. I didn't think I would ever be where I am now or writing this blog post. It's been the hardest, most emotional trip so far. So where do I go from here? What do I do? The future is exciting to me and honestly I can't remember when I felt that way. Every place I've been over the last two years as small and insignificant as it may seem has been a huge deal for me. Let me explain, for 8 years I had become a full time caregiver on top of my full time job as a greeting card designer. I lost contact with friends and my family. I didn't go out much, rarely left my home. Traveling was not usually an option so there is not much of the world I have seen in those years. Not surprising, I lived my life on the internet. I made friends there, a community, met people who helped me get through some truly horrible times in my life but I never really got to see those people in real life. Now I can. Now I have the ability to live a life outside my computer, as hard as it may be. I'm a introverted person already and I don't care who you are, if you never go out into the world much, when you finally do it can be amazing but also overwhelming. It takes a lot out of me meeting new people and going new places BUT...I don't give up. I'm determined to live my life. 

I'm excited for what the future holds. Some crazy wonderful things have already happened. I met my amazing, caring, patient boyfriend and now we are living in California with our soon to be 3 pet family. I live by a beach you guys! Never in my wildest dreams did I think that would happen. I can just feel the stress leave my body. Amazing. I'm also secretly hoping it makes friends come visit me out here. I missed a lot of years with them and I don't want to miss any more. 

I hope you have a wonderful day and if it's not, keep pushing each day until it is. 

xoxo
Sara